This may sound mean, but...

I find it really hard to pretend that I'm interested in things. Not even the overly fake excited kind of interest that some people do - just normal business etiquette kind of interest. The kind where you don't obviously look like you're willing them to finish already or thinking about banal things like adding a website to the link bar on Firefox. Sometimes I play Word Twist in my head. Often I try to plan what I'm going to wear the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Once I was able to plan a whole week in the time that it took someone to explain the breakdown of a sample financial aid package. It's not that that information isn't useful to my job, but three examples seems a bit like overkill.

The problem with this mental multitasking is that I sometimes lose control of my facial expressions. Adding this to the fact that my "neutral" face looks slightly pissed off, it takes some effort to maintain an appropriate countenance. Thus enters my inner monologue, in the accent a la mode (see previous post), with directions like "Jaw is getting slack. Tighten up!", "Eyes aren't focused on face. Shift your head!", and the ever-popular "Oh my God open your eyes."

Now, these are just basic guidelines. They just make me look like I'm awake. In order to look like I'm actually processing what people are saying is a whole other issue. If they smile, I smile. If they laugh, I laugh too, but not too loudly - unless they've completely stopped talking which probably means that they were telling an amusing anecdote. Encouraging noises and gestures like "Uh huh" and raising your eyebrows while nodding tend to work well as long as you're consistent throughout the conversation. I also probably mimic their eyebrow movements and it will be a funny day when someone realizes that and decides to test out that theory.

Follow-up questions are tried and true. Yes, you can go wrong by asking a question that is either completely irrelevant or previously answered... I've done that a few times before I worked out my system. Now I take a different route - I pick out a word or a theme somewhere in the middle of all this and tell my own anecdote/observation. It doesn't have to be relevant as long as you preface it with "You know, you mentioned [blank] and it made me think of...". If there is a connection, then they will make it themselves. If there isn't, you have the chance to switch the topic of conversation. It makes you seem interested and interesting. Perfect.

Maybe one day I'll figure out how to smile more and laugh a little louder and incorporate body movement, but this is enough for now. I mean, it's just exhausting... And before you suggest that I actually listen instead of going through all this, I'll just say that I would much much rather figure out how many different words I can make out of MORTGAGE than listen to someone tell me in excruciating detail about theirs.

But of course, remember that I'm only talking about boring conversations. If I have ever done any of this with you, please know that I was completely sincere. Every time. I promise.