This has nothing to do with anything, but that's pretty much the theme of this blog anyway... I figured that a little background information is necessary, so here are some typical family quotes. We all have a very similar sense of humor...



Mom: I'll go.. check my e-mail.... *walks away*
Dad: I'm right here.
Mom: *gone*
Dad: I'm here...!
Steph: What?? She said she wanted to check her --
Dad: -- Emil. :D (his name)
Steph: *sigh*
Dad: *cracks up*
Mom: *from the living room* What?
Dad: *claps*



Steph: *sitting, watching TV, curled up on the couch in a red blanket*
Mom: *walks in and stares at her for a while* ...... You look like a fetus.



Evie: Ooh, ooh! Can I read a page of this book in a French accent for you?
Steph: Do you always do this when you're bored? Speak in accents?
Evie: Yessssss... don't you??



Shiel: *force-feeding graham crackers*
Steph: Mom! Tell her to stop!
Mom: *stares blankly through her sunglasses*
Shiel: *holding a graham cracker, turns around to look at Mom*
Mom: *slowly turns her head and looks away*



[at North Cape... where it is VERY windy..]

Evie: *yelling* Anjel! How would you define silt??
Anjel: Whaaat???
Evie: Siltt!!! What is it!!
Anjel: I can't hear you..!
Steph: It's so windy.. in order for her to even know we're asking her a question, you'd have to emphasize the question mark.. .. like.. "Silt?!?!?!??"
Shiel: It's interesting how you can pronounce punctuation...

Steph: Silt?
Shiel: More question mark.
Steph: Silt????????
Shiel: Now an exclamation point. Silt!
Steph: SILT!
Shiel: Period!
Steph: Silt.
Shiel: Hmm... you could do an ellipse...
Steph: Silt...
Shiel: Silt...
Steph: Silt...
Shiel: Semicolon?
Steph: Silt:
Shiel: No, I think that was a colon. Oooh say silt without punctuation. I don't think you can.
Steph: Silt.
Shiel: No.
Steph: *deep breath* ...Silt.
Shiel: No!!



[ After having a heated discussion about mass and weight and the moon]

Dad: *laughing to himself*
Mom: What? What's so funny?
Dad: Heat of fusion.... We're Catholics...
Mom: What?
Dad: Heat of fusion... We have mass.

(heat of fusion = calories used/mass)

Steph: ....*realizing what he meant as a joke* ...you're corny.
Mom: *laughs with me at dad*
Dad: *continues to laugh at himself*



[playing Password in the car]

Evie: Man.
Shiel: Woman.
Evie: Sun.
Shiel: *thinking she said "son"* .......... Jesus??
Evie: ... No.... uhmmm?? *laughs*...Bright.
Shiel: Jesus?
Evie: no!!

*time up*

Evie: Shaaadow..



Anjel: Wanna know my word that I made up?
Shiel: Okay.
Anjel: Frutiamistaniquisitrikupigherzixobivadicowderjhy.

Evie: What?? Hahahahhaha...
Shiel: What does that mean?
Anjel: "Yes." It uses every letter of the alphabet except for the letter L.

Steph: *cleaning fish* . ...I feel like... .. smacking you with this...
Jess: Yeah, I feel like that, too, when I hold a fish.... . . ...DO IT....!
Steph: Really???
Jess: *looking at Lola Mang* ... Wait.. come over here... *walks into the hallway*
Steph: *follows with a fish*
Jess: Okay... do it.
Steph: *smacks Jess with a fish*
Jess: Ow!! xD



Steph, Anjel, and Shiel: *laughing hysterically*

Anjel: Mom?
Mom: *looks up from magazine* Hmm?
Anjel: Do you think we're weird?
Mom: *stares*
Steph, Anjel, and Shiel: *laughing*
Mom: *goes back to reading magazine* You're my children.
Shiel: *laughing* That's the best answer I've ever heard!

Why do people always feel the need to share which song they have stuck in their head?

I mean, I do it all the time, but that's because I try to get it stuck in other people's heads too so we can sing it out loud together. Because singing out loud by yourself is just ridiculous. (I do that all the time too.)




Currently listening to: Santogold - Shove It (feat. Spank Rock)

This may sound mean, but...

I find it really hard to pretend that I'm interested in things. Not even the overly fake excited kind of interest that some people do - just normal business etiquette kind of interest. The kind where you don't obviously look like you're willing them to finish already or thinking about banal things like adding a website to the link bar on Firefox. Sometimes I play Word Twist in my head. Often I try to plan what I'm going to wear the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Once I was able to plan a whole week in the time that it took someone to explain the breakdown of a sample financial aid package. It's not that that information isn't useful to my job, but three examples seems a bit like overkill.

The problem with this mental multitasking is that I sometimes lose control of my facial expressions. Adding this to the fact that my "neutral" face looks slightly pissed off, it takes some effort to maintain an appropriate countenance. Thus enters my inner monologue, in the accent a la mode (see previous post), with directions like "Jaw is getting slack. Tighten up!", "Eyes aren't focused on face. Shift your head!", and the ever-popular "Oh my God open your eyes."

Now, these are just basic guidelines. They just make me look like I'm awake. In order to look like I'm actually processing what people are saying is a whole other issue. If they smile, I smile. If they laugh, I laugh too, but not too loudly - unless they've completely stopped talking which probably means that they were telling an amusing anecdote. Encouraging noises and gestures like "Uh huh" and raising your eyebrows while nodding tend to work well as long as you're consistent throughout the conversation. I also probably mimic their eyebrow movements and it will be a funny day when someone realizes that and decides to test out that theory.

Follow-up questions are tried and true. Yes, you can go wrong by asking a question that is either completely irrelevant or previously answered... I've done that a few times before I worked out my system. Now I take a different route - I pick out a word or a theme somewhere in the middle of all this and tell my own anecdote/observation. It doesn't have to be relevant as long as you preface it with "You know, you mentioned [blank] and it made me think of...". If there is a connection, then they will make it themselves. If there isn't, you have the chance to switch the topic of conversation. It makes you seem interested and interesting. Perfect.

Maybe one day I'll figure out how to smile more and laugh a little louder and incorporate body movement, but this is enough for now. I mean, it's just exhausting... And before you suggest that I actually listen instead of going through all this, I'll just say that I would much much rather figure out how many different words I can make out of MORTGAGE than listen to someone tell me in excruciating detail about theirs.

But of course, remember that I'm only talking about boring conversations. If I have ever done any of this with you, please know that I was completely sincere. Every time. I promise.

No worries, mate...

I need to multitask while I get ready for work in order to keep myself from getting bored and lying down, so I often turn to tv (on Youtube). More specifically, I watch reality television along the lines of Project Runway, ANTM, BNTM, AuNTM, CNTM, and My Super Sweet Sixteen. There was also a period where I only watched A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila. I'm all caught up with every single season of these shows except one...

The program of the moment is Australia's Next Top Model Cycle 4. Since I also watch these when I'm trying not to do things like clean my room or set up my Vanguard account, I watched 3 or 4 episodes last night instead of looking over my GRE book. Then I watched an episode this morning. I know I'm supposed to be exercising my mind instead of watching vapid reality shows, but really - that's what Word Twist and Challenge Sudoku are for... (By the way, I challenge anyone who thinks they're good at sudoku. Add the Facebook application. Let's ward off Alzheimer's together.)

Anyway... I finished my morning routine and did the usual trolley ride with headphones, but forgot to restart my On-The-Go 5 playlist so it ended while I was just starting to zone out. Since I was in the middle of zoning out, I didn't realize it until my inner monologue started commenting on some girl's outfit. In an Australian accent. Using Australian terms like "trainers" instead of "sneakers". I took me by surprise, even though it has happened before, so I kept the music off and continued with the fashion commentary. This led me to two conclusions. One, people in Philly are rather boring. And two, even though I have the perfect Australian accent in my mind, that is not the case when I speak. I know because I tried.

So, fine - the fact that I was kind of startled by my own inner monologue leads me to believe that perhaps I should be watching better programming and exercising my brain with more than a few Facebook applications... But I still challenge you.

I have a slight crush on Neil Patrick Harris.

Partly because he's my favorite character on How I Met Your Mother and partly because he seems like he would be fun to hang out with. And partly because he can sing. And because he signs onto things like "Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog" which sounds questionable at best but then gets stuck in my head for weeks. Because I like musicals.

FD: Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface.
NPH: And sometimes there's a third even deeper level, and that one's the same as the top surface one.
FD: Huh?
NPH: Like with pie.

Shenanigans

Something I like: the idea of random acts of mischief

[Walking on the OCMD boardwalk]

S: Do you ever get the impulse to do random things that are a little mean?
T: Yes.
L: What?
S: Like... that woman we just passed was sitting on the wall but her one shoe fell off and was on the ground. I really really wanted to pick it up, throw it over the wall, and run away.
T: Oh... I usually think of violent things.
L: .........
S: ..... I was talking about random little acts of mischief, but... ok.

Now notice - I said I like "the idea of". I hardly ever act on impulses unless my inhibitions are lowered due to mob mentality, being in a different city, or... whatever. At most, I sometimes don't hold the elevator for people and then push all the buttons when I get off so it takes extra long for it to get back to the ground floor.

I know... I'm a threat to society.




Currently listening to: J Ralph - Kansas City Shuffle